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Hawaii Emergency Employee Had Issues with Reality, Thought North Korea was Attacking

Polipace Staff

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Employee who sent erroneous missile alert had 10 years of performance issues and had confused real world and practice drills twice before. The preliminary report released on Tuesday from the Federal Communications Commission details the events leading up to a false missile alert sent to mobile phones and television and radio broadcast stations in the state of Hawaii earlier this month.

According to WaPo:”This mistake began when a night-shift supervisor decided to test incoming day-shift workers with a spontaneous drill, the FCC report stated. The supervisor managing the day-shift workers appeared to be aware of the upcoming test but believed it was aimed at the outgoing night-shift workers. As a result, the day-shift manager was not prepared to supervise the morning test, the FCC said.”

According to the FCC report released Tuesday, this worker is the only one who apparently did not understand it was a drill, and this wasn’t the first time.

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Business

Rock Legend Animal Dies Aged 66

Polipace Staff

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TRIBUTES have been flooding in from all across the world following the death of Animal, the legendary drummer with rock outfit Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.

Fans of the supergroup were shocked to learn of the passing of the iconic percussionist, who passed away at just 66 following a short illness. Remaining band members Dr. Teeth, Janice, Zoot and Floyd Pepper took to the group’s Facebook fan page to announce the sad news earlier today.

“We will never forget you, brother,” read the statement from the band.

“You kept rocking ’til the very end. Be at peace now, and we’ll play again in that great muppet theatre in the sky”.

Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem had been performing together for several years before their breakout performance on the Muppet Show in 1975. The band were invited to continue as resident artists for the show, but it was Animal’s trademark intensity that won him the hearts of fans all across the world. His popularity won him appearances in every Muppet movie released, with his last role in 2014’s Muppets: Most Wanted.

“Although he had already been diagnosed with threadbaring syndrome, you would have never known he was sick,” said Fozzie Bear, speaking about the filming of M:MW.

“I’d ask him if he was feeling alright, and he’d just say ‘ANIMAL!!! HAAAAH!!!!’. That was… that was just Animal, you know?”

Other Muppets were quick to add their own tributes to their deceased colleague, with Miss Piggy stating that Animal was “a driving force in her life”, and the Swedish Chef adding that Animal always knew “how tee bork de bork”.

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Mayweather Says FU to #METOO

Polipace Staff

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Boxing Legend Floyd Mayweather, who was convicted of a domestic violence charge and pleaded no contest to two harassment charges in 2011, has weighed in on the #MeToo movement and didn’t have kind words to say about it.

Mayweather, speaking to Men’s Health Magazine, first took issue with the female reporter’s reference to Mayweather’s club “Girl Collection” as a strip club, asserting that it was a gentleman’s club, adding, “Because there’s a difference. A gentleman’s club is topless. But a strip club is totally nude.”

Then he was asked, “We’re asking a lot of men, in light of the #MeToo movement, how men can grow in 2018.”

Mayweather replied dismissively, “The who?”

The reporter continued, “The #MeToo movement. Women speaking out about sexual assault.”

Mayweather mocked, “When you say ‘me too’ … When somebody is like, ‘I got a Rolls Royce,’ I be like ‘me too.’ When somebody say they got a private jet, I say, ‘Me too. I got two. Me too.'” He laughed, along with others in the background.

The reporter persisted, “This is a very different —“

Mayweather interjected, “Well, I didn’t know! My Me Too movement from the beginning was whenever somebody said what they have I’m like, ‘me too.’ Somebody say they got a billion dollars, I say, ‘I made a billion dollars, me too.’”

The reporter tried to bail Mayweather out: “I know you have a sensitive side. You’ve talked about your sensitive side before.”

Mayweather: “Of course. I mean, you live and you learn. I think everyone, if you’re in an uncomfortable position, you have to pray about it, you know, talk about it, and I think that, you know, sexual harassment, I don’t think it’s cool at all.”

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Business

No One Appreciates Mario Batali’s Cinnamon Bun Sexual Harassment Apology

Polipace Staff

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Mario Batali issued an apology, of sorts, to the sexual-harassment accusations brought against him with a breathtakingly tone-deaf newsletter. After several paragraphs devoted to the “many mistakes” he’s made and the work that he will do to “regain your respect and trust,” the email concluded with a postscript, for Pizza Dough Cinnamon Buns with Jizz Sauce.

The responses were as you expected:

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